stomping out… | March 17, 2011

I have been asked frequently what i am doing.

The question is not surprisingly hard to swallow, even though the answer is so obvious to me, so simple.  Relationships. I have been trying my best at being a healthy contributor to relationships.

Some will strongly protest I have failed over and over and some will scream at the top of their lungs about their faith in me. But I think that’s what honesty does, it divides us, thankfully.

I’m sayin’, in a lot of ways I have found that there is no such thing as honesty, but rather,  just simply the strength of conviction to your story or perception.

But I think. When you start employing honesty as a foundation, knowing that if any non-truths are passed on it was actually mis-communication, relationships are then given enough space to breath, to think. I feel like anyone reading this must have a moment in time where they can relate to the opposite happening. For example, when people you are communicating with begin using strategy instead of honesty to dialogue with you it is sensed by all people interacting.  Either way, honesty is illusive and sometimes even difficult for us, within ourselves, to define at any given time.

Honesty is painful and transcending and contradictory and messy and liberating and and aggressive and…

Now, I wonder how many of us can say they have felt the opposite. The feeling that every word spoken was raw and vulnerable. I wonder.

I am trying to accomplish honesty as frequently as I can possibly manage and from that create deeper more nurturing, compassionate relationships. That is what is important to me. Now if an astronaut never reaches the moon or outer space, have they failed at being an astronaut?

I fail like you fail.

…and yet, I am more angry than that.

I refuse to give up my hopes. I refuse to give up my beautifully child-like trust. I refuse to react in revenge.  I want to be treated well. I want the love, acceptance and caring I spread to be reciprocated. I want conversations that nourish me and dialogue I can trust and I refuse to accept that this isn’t possible. I will not stop hungering for this because of a career or non-profit’s profit margin or for some damn revolution.

My revolution or movement is in every move I make and I fail like you fail.

I am not apologizing anymore and neither should you.


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  1. Every word spoken isn’t always going to be raw and vulnerable. Some words are layered in bs that we have to cut through. When we cut through those words enough people don’t want to bother trying to feed us bs as often so this is where I agree with your journey…being honest forces more honesty from others. I also think that from time to time you yourself are going to falter and be less than honest out of fear or spite or whathaveyou. It is because of those times and that human quality that it’s worth it to allow people to get very close to you even if they are not perfect in their honesty all of the time. I’m not sure how you feel about this…do you feel like you keep people at constant arm’s length from you because they are less than 100 percent honest? Sincerity is more than attainable. Perfect honesty…well not so much.

    Comment by not needed — March 18, 2011 @ 12:01 am

    • I do not feel I keep people at a constant arms length. If you know me personally, which you must not, most would say I let people too far in. I am too open and reveal too much of my personal side. I also pretty clearly laid out how I understand 100% honesty is not attainable and that I am as equally fail-able as any. What I am emphasizing here is the constant endeavor towards honesty.

      Comment by raven0us — March 18, 2011 @ 12:32 am

      • honestly, I love your honesty here. I personally do not know you so I had no idea how you kept your relationships. If you don’t mind my asking, why would some proclaim that you’ve failed over and over? What is failure to you?

        Comment by not needed — March 18, 2011 @ 2:05 am

  2. Failure is a beauty thing in that it allows us to begin again with a fresh perspective. You know my personal beliefs on honesty and why so many people try to veil themselves/emotions/reactions instead of simply BEING. The problem with sincerity is that it is easily faked and unless you often lie to people, there is nothing to juxtapose to it to give merit. Truth inherently contains sincerity….anyways….

    I’m rambling, I’m working, I’m in love

    Comment by 412 — March 24, 2011 @ 8:01 pm

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    Mother Lover. <3

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