The word “community” pushes the limits of elusiveness. | March 23, 2011

My thoughts skip beats in a primal endeavor to construct effective interpersonal processes. I drop pieces of memory and life lessons like long lost i.d. cards and that car insurance I know I left in the glove box. There are things we can’t remember when we need to.

I struggle to find a moment of my development to blame. Why didn’t my mother engrain the importance of remembering who to appreciate in me? I day dream of her looking down at me lovingly at five, injecting tips into my gut reactions.

 I feel like so many of us are just learning how to nurture each other. Shouldn’t that have been taught through experience in our youth? Why is there less and less emphasis on this everyday? Why isn’t being a strong nurturer cherished as a valuable skill? I think of those who have disappointed me and I wonder what they regret but are afraid to bring up. I pine for strength from validation and I wonder how much this debilitates me. Our skepticism prevents us from taking each other seriously like doing so would force us to commit to each other.

Recently I have been shown over and over that community is what’s left. We have hopes and we try with people we specifically pick, but like painting water color over clear crayon, companionable beauty materializes from voids if we allow it.

When I was in New York a couple weeks ago my sister Judy made me read a letter I sent to her a year or two ago. She specifically made me reread one line that said, “You have family around you who want to be there. Let them be.” Today I pulled away from my friend Kristine’s home where I dropped Jordan off to be walked to school and the sun was shining. I reflected on pulling away from my sister Patty’s house in New York, leaving Jordan for just a couple more weeks. There are people there for us.


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    Mother Lover. <3

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