a cautionary tale. | June 3, 2011

[this one could poss. be catagorized under “poly environments” like i was saying in a previous blog.]

what a tangled web we weave.

last night, after jordan jumped in the platte river and had his sandles stolen in the current and drove home naked in his car seat with a blankie and blueberries. so effing cute. after that. i read him a bed time story called the spider and the fly. a cautionary tale. it was a random pick we rummaged out of a second hand stores book shelf in a childhood frenzy of fancy illustration.

the basic concept of the book was simple. the spider was sly and spoke sweet arsenic laced words to a fly in a flapper dress(really amazing children’s book btw). and the fly, a little lady with big beautiful eyes, eloquently resisted for admirable amounts of time until she was swooned, wrapped up and the life was sucked from her naive body. sly spider.

but it all made me think of my internalized sex a phobia. [i know, what? aren’t i a dirty tramp? you’d think. you’d think ;)] and I am, oh oh i am. in a way. but then i am also EXTREMELY hesitant. i have always been coined the tease. what is up with those dynamics? what am i really doing when i stop everything when both consenting adult parties are willing and ready?

and i get the dynamics of the tease. effing hot.

i don’t think it’s always that simple though. [“us borderlines, we contain multitudes.”]

i think there is a a context worth analyzing here which is tangled up in this fragment “wrapped up and the life was sucked from her naive body”. why is there so much destruction of the female entity embedded in our societies sexual habits? i have been existing in a heteronormative monogomous sect of our radical community and it honestly has been devistating to my psyche (if ya haven’t already noticed.) last night i floated around this moment of existance that was balanced and all wavelengths were alligned. people were respected for themselves. met where they were and held in that present moment. ahhh release. release.

it was interesting to watch me unpack myself back into that. i was outside of my head and yet completely present. my mantra had to be, “ok love, its ok. you’re ok. im ok.” and it was.  anxiety disapated. tension melted. mmm.


also, “eloquently resisted for admirable amounts of time.” why is resistance admirable here? because some people are spiders.  but some people aren’t.

“testosterone boys and harlequin girls…”

i am looking for more spaces without spiders and flies. with people and people. i am finding them.

today, i love life.


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  1. i think this quote outlines the interpersonal oppression women endure in heteronormative monogomous communites.
    “the show is not about the oppression but about the participation of women in their own confinement. on a socio-political level, the work evokes the white lies women resort to in order to deny others access to them or otherwise protect themselves from the social obligation that frame their lives.”

    Comment by raven0us — June 3, 2011 @ 9:40 pm

  2. “i am looking for more spaces without spiders and flies. with people and people. i am finding them.

    today, i love life.”

    Comment by wearytravler — June 4, 2011 @ 2:50 am

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    Mother Lover. <3

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