hey, psst. poly actually works sometimes… | July 2, 2011

do you know what being poly feels like to me sometimes? like traversing being queer. there is constantly this vibe of dismissiveness. like snob snorting, “Oh yes, what a novel concept. polyamory. clever theory. what a choice.”


It doesn’t feel like a choice to me. It is a seed of desire growing from deep inside of me. It is a yearning for balance, for emotional sustainability. It is a declaration, a commitment. It is the result of our disconnected, disjointed social reality. We are all isolated and divided and working endlessly. Everyone is so busy and tired. Children are alone a lot.

But there is so much of each us to go around. It’s just that we only have a little to give in a thousand areas. You follow me? So if one human is asking one human for fulfillment. Tap out is imminent. Burnt out. Suffocation. It’s like eating in the woods. Sure, you have a main fire that is cooking hot meals, but the forest has little snacks everywhere. Little clover buds… a berry here… a root there(if you’re slightly more committed)… tea, snacks, refreshment. Little bites that supplement sustainability. If we only ate at the main fire, we would constantly be begging for the next meal.

So that’s theory hullabaloo.

The experience I have with this reality is on one hand, theory poly/monogamy. It was fangs in the purity of our love.

Then lately, I have experienced supportive, mature poly. I have seen people pick each other up where other people drop them and all relationships ending up healthier. Resentment dissipates. Patience and understanding grow through all people finding an average of interaction. People pick the healthy from each other like clovers from a field and cross pollinate. healthy multiplies.

It isn’t always crying and jealousy.

It isn’t always a porn seen(though by golly… ha.)

It is shared caring… Oh person x needs alone time? Well that’s nice because person y needs to be cuddled and listened to and person z is just bored. Balance.

There are more stories and experiences to spread. There are more adults to share playing with all the children involved. There are more adults to share naps after playing.

Imagine eye contact where you aren’t thinking about all of the social obligations and guide lines prescribed to you. Now think of that with every person you meet eyes with and not just that special someone. Imagine fully taking in every person that stands before you and following the intimacy of eye contact where ever it directs you. To an ice cream shop. To a lecture. To the road. To bed. To collaborative projects. Imagine bringing that interaction back to the person that really hits you, that takes your breath and sharing it with them. Wild stories in the afterglow.

There is also the freedom of gender neutrality involved. Flexibility of all desires. Appreciation of all arousal, physical and intellectual, even if your boat is not floated. Space to allow others to float a boat a different way. Space to determine our wants. Isn’t it odd how many people don’t have any clue what they want? It feels to me like it is because there is no space out there to try. To taste test. To dissolve unknown in to nutritious knowing.

I believe intimacy and affection are larger than bumping uglies and property. I believe intimacy is situational and ever changing. I believe there are forevers everywhere. Shape shifting forevers.

This world needs more sweet nothings whispered, we’ve got plenty of sour nothings.


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    Mother Lover. <3

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