raven0us

“You should write a book!” | July 10, 2015


I have this book that I carry around.

It’s old now, maybe two years.

I wrote it.

Just stories of the day like this.

People tell me to write books about my experience,

& I do.

I write epics & I read minutes.

The book I carry is made of an epsom salt carton

from when community meant scabies

& a transmutation of the flesh.

The paper inside is bacon paper

from the butcher we perhaps never did convince to like us.

The first page reads,

“Bacon paper, this is my grief.”

& the book is an epic of grief,

from the experience of a queer, white, partially deconstructed, veteran, witch, crust super model

& her attempts to listen to the land

& guide her parenting from that place.

Sounds hot, right?

Well, each poem is a neurological rupture

& I am left to tend and midwife an entire transformation.

From one poem.

In every person that hears.

Energy happens & moves & who is responsible?

That’s trauma.

So these books are vaults of experience.

I have been years in waiting to express myself & it is too much.

When will the middle class culture ever be able to hear it

& trust their own fucking agency in it.

I got stag boots from a medicine woman

& a medicine bag from a wintu man in an antique shop as a spontaneous gift.

I am told it means nothing

& that I am a dumb white bitch.

But it means everything.

Is a story & is not a story at the same time.

That’s the difference presently,

I own my value.

I dreamt I was digging in the earth

calmly for my dignity…

it seemed a clear ball of energy

I was unearthing & handing

behind me, to my son,

who was carrying my dignity.

He was saying,

“Momma.

these people that hurt us,

we have to tell them we hate them.”

& I remained in rhythm,

re-assuring him that we are digging,

fidelously.

fidelity with this planet.

& the yellow signs lay face down in the forest

partially digested by duff,

soon the forest service will remember.

her signs are naturally in place,

her guidance innate.

There’s your topographic map.

Go ahead & touch it.

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    Mother Lover. <3

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