secrets are a conundrum. | June 2, 2011

I have never been a fan of secrets. I never had a desire to have people divulge them to me. I was often irritated when people tried. It’s a set up for failure kind of interaction.

I want truths I can scream from the mountain top and be proud to be behind bars for.

But then people say, “How could anyone ever trust you?”

…. ummm because you know what you’re getting?

I suppose this makes me a bad anarchist. So be it.

Where is freedom in deprivation?

I keep coming up with these topics for blogs and will get to them soon, but I am going to list them here so I don’t forget:

-“There is still cheating in poly.”

-“Poly environments”

-“Surviving trauma”

-“Staying here and now”

-“Take off that uniform!”

The fog is clearing. I have been composing sentences and life more clearly. I am getting my IUD out today, which marks the beginning of my series of cleansing.  I commit to beating my habit of biting my fingers. I commit to quitting caffeine. I am quitting destructive, negative people.  I am quitting obsession. I am quitting fairy tales. Cleansing.

Don’t itch the scratch, is all.

This is going to be easy because I have a ton to look forward to.  I have time! Believe it or not.  I am going to Durango for a beautiful retreat. Odds are good I am going to be able to visit Washington this year. I am moving in with an amazing, bodacious person. I am single!

But that is such a lie. It is actually going to be really really hard.

I feel strong today though. We’ll see.



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1 Comment »

  1. Woot to cleansing; woot to quitting obsession, and woot to strength.

    It is going to be hard, but you can do it. Scratch that. It is going to be hard, but WE can do it. Separately and together. I have been on this cleanliness kick too. I was making good progress there, but have recently backslid. It seems cleansing is on an upswing though-lots of people I know are trying, all seemingly independent of the others. A wave of desire for self-improvement is sweeping the people I know and love, and all I know for sure is this:
    It will be hard, but we can do it.

    Comment by wearytravler — June 3, 2011 @ 6:33 am

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